Everything is better with pirates!

Ch. 2.: An Ordinary Day At School

The story so far: Lily-chan, an ordinary cake-welder girl, accidentally became a player in the secret war to save humanity’s cakes from the eeeeevil hands of the eeeeevil Space-Cat Empire, led by the nefarious warrior princess Tiari-hime! With the guidance of the king and queen of fairies and under the caring eyes of her mentor, the Mahou Kagakusha Pabloc-san, she became Mahou Shoujo Halubarudo-chan, protector of the planet!

---

Tiari: "Did we really need that recap?"

Kay: "I don’t think so, it was only one chapter."

Tiari: "Right."

Pabloc: "I don’t really mind that, but why did I suddenly become a “Mahou Kagakusha”…?"

Gabe: "Doesn’t that mean the same as “Magical Scientist”?"

Pabloc: "Yes, but still…"

Jill: "Don’t worry, this is not important. We won’t even remember it in-canon."

Pabloc: "… That doesn’t really make me feel any better…"

Steve: "Oh, come on man! You should, like, chill out and stuff! It’s just, like, totally non-canon."

Gabe: "Right you are, my Bactrian friend!"

Lily: "Psssst! You are talking again!"

Everyone: "…"

---

This particular story started on an especially sunny Wednesday, the day after Lily-chan first became Halubarudo-chan. After the first excitement, it seemed like everything would become ordinary just as it was before. However, arriving at the school in the morning held a wonderful surprise for her!

Pabloc-san: "I am most overjoyed to meet you all, younglings of this highly ordinary school."

Lily-chan: "*squee!*"

During the morning assembly, none other than Pabloc-san was introduced as the school’s new nurse!

Pabloc-san: "I most sincerely hope we are going to have a satisfactory relationship. It shall be my greatest pleasure to take care of thy bodies’ biochemical balance to the outmost level of my skills, and I shall supervise thy pastries as well if necessitated, of course."

---

Gabe: "So you are a school-nurse? Nice."

Pabloc: "What are you grinning about? … Wait, on second thought, I don’t want to know."

Tiari: "On a different note, is this story really going to be all about cakes?"

Kay: "Apparently."

Tiari: "That’s kind of sad."

Gabe: "You only say that because you don’t like them. I bet that’s why you want to destroy them too.!"

Tiari: "Hey! That me is not the “me” me but another me!"

Kay: "… Non-canon chapters are so confusing…"

---

Lily-chan could hardly wait for school to end, and the moment the bell finally signaled the end of her last lesson with its enchanting chime of freedom, she immediately rushed to the nurse’s office to meet up with her beloved mentor.

*knock-knock*

Pabloc-san: "This door is open to all, please don’t hesitate to enter.”

Lily-chan: "Pabloc-saaaaan!"

*thud*

Pabloc-san: "Ah, it was you! I welcome thee my fair pupil, and shall graciously accept your hug with all my heart."

---

Pabloc: "Ugh…"

Tiari: "There we go with the bishie-sparkles again…"

Lily: "I think they are really kakkoii!"

Pabloc: "…"

Gabe: "Hey, shouldn’t you be happier that you have such a supportive and cute girl?"

Pabloc: "I would be, if it wasn’t so awkward."

Steve: "Man! You, like, totally shouldn’t be feeling like that! You two are, like, totally cute and stuff!"

Gabe: "You see, even Steve agrees!"

Pabloc: "Somehow that just makes it even worse."

Steve: "Ouch dude! Harsh!"

---

Pabloc-san: "Please sit down, my sweet protégé, you have much to learn!"

Lily-chan: "Hai, sensei!"

Lily-chan briskly jumped onto the bed behind the curtain in the office and looked at the Mahou Kagakusha with expectant eyes. Pabloc-san in the meantime closed the door behind her and lightly cleared his throat.

Pabloc-san: "Well, Lily-chan. Our time to discuss thy affairs was cut regretfully short yesterday by our royal lord’s somewhat questionable pronouncement to return thee to thy domicile. Thus I shall utilize this opportunity to tutor you today to the fullest extent of my knowledge!"

Lily-chan: "Hai, sensei! I will listen reeeeeeally well~!"

Pabloc-san: "Such exemplary conduct! Open thy ears then, and I shall impart all I know upon thee!"

Lily-chan: "*nod*"

Pabloc-san: "As thou have already seen with thy very eyes yesterday, our world is besieged by the disreputable forces of the ethically liquidated Space-Cat Empire. Their borders reach far and wide, holding dozens of systems and hundreds of galaxies in their despicable paws, and now they elevated their ocular organs upon our beautiful planet!"

Lily-chan: "Pabloc-sensei, I have a question! Why are they after our cakes?"

Pabloc-san: "Ah, a wonderful inquiry my dear! The rationale behind their motivation is quite straightforward: Sweet pastries are humanity’s deposit of positive emotions. Thou must have eaten quite a number of cakes during thy club activities, have you not?"

Lily-chan: "Hai."

Pabloc-san: "How did you feel when you consumed thy pastries?"

Lily-chan: "It was good!"

Pabloc-san: "Precisely! Since time immemorial, humans utilized pastries to deposit and distribute positive thoughts between each other. If the Space-Cat Empire manages to annihilate all pastries this world possesses…"

Lily-chan: "Then all the good will disappear from this world!"

Pabloc-san: "Precisely! Thus, since no “good” will remain, everyone’s moral and ethical fiber will deteriorate."

Lily-chan: "*gasp* They will turn evil like the space-kitties!"

Pabloc-san: "As thou say. As such, they would be able to conquer our beautiful planet without having to fight humanity. In fact, they would willfully join them as morally dubious brothers! And that’s just terrible."

Lily-chan: "*gasp*"

---

Tiari: "… That was… the stupidest world-domination plan ever. Of all times."

Gabe: "Oh come on, it wasn’t THAT bad. It kind of makes sense in its own universe."

Tiari: "Yeah, and just what kind of dumb universe has people store positive emotions in cakes!?"

Gabe: "I don’t think it’s that farfetched of an idea."

Tiari: "Wut?"

Gabe: "I mean, look: We like cakes and we are nice, you don’t like cakes and you are all grouchy. I see a definite correlation here, right Pabloc?"

Pabloc: "My life… is over… I can never wash this off my résumé… it can never be undone…"

Gabe: "…"

Kay: "Umm… He has been like that since the explanation began."

Jill: "Here, here. Don’t worry, once it’s over, no one’s going to remember this. Let’s go over there, have a tea and forget about all this for now, okay?"

Pabloc: "Yes… That would be the best…"

Tiari: "*sigh* Thank god Jill is back. Now at least there is someone here who knows what to do in these kinds of situations."

Lily: "Psssst! You are too lound!"

Steve: "Yeah, man! It’s, like, just getting really interesting!"

Everyone: "…"

---

Lily-chan: "We cannot let them do that!"

Pabloc-san: "Indeed. Thus is the reason behind our solemn duty to protect our planet’s pastries by any means necessary. Speaking of means, why have thee misplaced thy polearm? I cannot perceive it on thy body."

Lily-chan: "Ah, it’s here~!"

Saying so, Lily-chan reached into her bag and took something out of it.

Lily-chan: "Look, Fairy-king-sama taught me how to turn it into a key-chain~!"

Pabloc-san: "Ah, how obvious in hindsight! By all means natural, you should not carry thy miraculous armament in its natural shape. I can most certainly see how our royal lord has already thought about the concern."

Lily-chan: "Hai~! And it’s kawaii too~!"

Pabloc-san: "Indeed, though it’s most definitely not the only one."

Lily-chan: "Nyu?"

As Lily-chan slightly tilted her head in question, the Mahou Kagakusha-

---

Pabloc: "Stop saying that! It makes no sense!!!"

Jill: "Calm down, calm down…"

---

The Mahou Kagakusha gently placed his palm upon her head.

Pabloc-san: "Lily-chan, thou are…"

*CRASH*

However, before he could say any more, the walls of the school were shaken by primeval force as the eeeeevil Space-Cat Empire’s eeeeevil automatons burst into the premise, cutting Pabloc-san’s words regretfully short.

Pabloc-san: "Woes and damnations! Those ethically challenged mechanical puppets are truly magnificent at uncovering the most inappropriate moments to push their assault! Come, my protégé! We shall exterminate them with extreme prejudice before they get a hold of an opportunity to cause grievous harm to our school’s pastries!"

Lily-chan: "And the kids!"

Pabloc-san: "Indeed, them too!"

With these words, the two of them transformed, using their magical rod-with-blades and magical eyeglasses, respectively.

*insert two minutes long transformations-sequence*

---

Tiari: "Wait, are you serious? “Insert transformation sequence”?! What is this, some kind of joke?"

Gabe: "I dunno. Maybe they just don’t have the budget for all the flashy effects."

Tiari: "What budget!? This is just narration, it doesn’t need a budget!"

Gabe: "Yeah, I told that to our previous two narrators as well, and guess what, they are still suing me for not paying up! Life is harsh, little kitten!"

Jill: "Please stop fighting, it doesn’t help."

Pabloc: "Magical eyeglasses…?"

Gabe: "Huh?"

Pabloc: "MAGICAL EYEGLASSES?!?!"

Gabe: "Whoa! Easy there, easy!"

Pabloc: "*sigh* I need booze…"

Lily: "Awww… Pabloc-saaan~! I told you to stop making that face~!"

Pabloc: "…"

Lily: "If you don’t stop it… I will pout!"

Pabloc: "…?"

Lily: "*pout-pout-pout-pout*"

Pabloc: "Agh! Okay, okay, I stop just stop doing that! You know it’s bad on my heart!"

Lily: "So you won’t make that face anymore?"

Pabloc: "No, I won’t. Ever."

Lily: "Yay~~! Pabloc-san is all right again~!"

*huuuuuuug*

Pabloc:"*chuckle* Yes, it’s all right now."

Gabe: "…"

Gabe: "Sometimes I can’t decide if I pity him or jealous of him…"

Jill: "… Why are you looking at me like that?"

Gabe: "…"

Gabe: "No particular reason."

Jill: "…?"

---

… and thus they successfully defeated the eeeeevil automatons with the power of love and friendship!

---

Kay: "Oh… I think we forgot to pause the story just now."

Tiari: "Good riddance, I say."

Steve: "Aw man! It’s like, so bogus!"

Gabe: "Yeah! This is the second off-screen action-scene in two chapters! Just what kind of hack wrote this!?"

---

Pabloc-san: "Ah, an exemplary job, my young pupil! This was a marvelous victory, and thou managed to protect all the sweet pastries this educational institute held! Truly outstanding!"

As he was saying that, the Mahou Kagakusha once again rested his hand on the girl’s head with a gentle expression.

Lily-chan: "*giggle* Yay, I was praised!"

With their work finished, they quickly returned to their secret hideout in the nurse’s office and transformed out of their battle-garments.

Pabloc-san: "Indeed. However, I cannot keep myself from wondering where Tiari-hime was during her nefarious minions’ attack..."

Lily-chan: "Nyu?"

Pabloc-san: "Ah, but I shall not burden thy mind with such concerns now! Let’s celebrate thy first victory over the forces of negative morality now!"

Lily-chan: "Yay!"

Pabloc-san: "Ah, but now that I recall… I never have foreseen such developments, thus I have already eaten the customary welcoming-pastry thy pastry-soldering-association provided me with. Most unfortunate, I must say."

Lily-chan: "Nyu? But Pabloc-san, we didn’t make a welcome-cake…"

Pabloc-san: "What say you!?"

Then, just as these words left his mouth, Pabloc-san collapsed onto the ground with a loud groan."

Tiari-hime: "Nyahahahaaaa!!!"

Just as he hit the cold floor of the nurse’s office, the familiar shape of the eeeeevil catgirl-warrior-princess Tiari-hime suddenly appeared from behind the curtains with a victorious cackle!

Tiari-hime: "You have fell into my marvelous trap, Mahou Kagakusha ~meow! That cake was laced with a deadly-yet-incredibly-slow poison, and only I have the antidote for it ~meow! However, you will never get it ~meow! Nyahahaha! Victory is mine ~meow!"

Lily-chan: "Yadaaaaa!"

---

Lily: "Yadaaaaaa!"

Tiari: "Ouch! Hey, stop shouting in my ear!"

Lily: "But Pabloc-san has been poisoned! I don’t want Pabloc-san to die!"

Jill: "It’s just in the story, Lily-chan. See, the real Pabloc is all right."

Pabloc: "Right, and it’s not like I’m going to die anyway. I’m sure there is going to be some weird plot-convenience that’s going to save me in the last sec-"

Soketsu: "Hey guys. Sorry I was late, what did I miss?"

---

*BANG*

However, the eeeeevil space-cat-princes’ eeeeevil gloating was abruptly interrupted by someone kicking in the door of the office. The newcomer they raised their eyes upon was a tall man clad in body-fitting black clothes including a black face mask. His left eye was hidden behind a crimson eye patch, and on his head rested a magnificent tricorne. The man suddenly raised his arm clutching his broad saber and spoke up with a gruff voice as he pointed its tip towards Tiari-hime!

Soketsu-san: "Arrr! Ahoy scallywags! I be th' plot-convenience buccaneer Soketsu, 'n I 'ave come t' save yer scurvy-ridden asses! ARRRRRR!!!"

---

Soketsu: "… Wait, what?!"

---

Will Pabloc-san survive his deadly plot-convenient poisoning?! Will Tiari-hime be defeated by the plot-convenience pirate Soketsu-san?! And just what is a “plot-convenience pirate” anyway!? If you want to know, tune in for next time, on Halubarudo-chan’s Magical Adventures!!!

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Soketsu: "No, seriously!!! WHAT!?!?!?"